I feel it's only fair to blame all this on my husband.

Several months ago he became concerned that I was spending my life hidded in either a computer screen or a book. The problem was, and to some extent still is, that I'm happy enough not to want to fight for anything different. I'm just slightly bored. That's fine for me, but boring was beginning to become an issue. Not that Flynn told me a I was boring, he enjoys breathing too much, but he did suggest a ) I should get out of the house more often b) I should do something with my time. I came up with law school and bought some books to prepare for the lsat at which point he let it be known he wasn't thrilled with the notion of being the husband of a lawyer. Though he didn't get all Shakespearean and talk of killing them all, he did say,

"I'd hang myself."

I'm quoting.

Needless to say this was hyperbole, and he only felt that way about being married to a lawyer not a law student but I didn't have a such driving passion to practice law that I wanted to cause my husband to take up knot tying just in case, though the idea of arguing all day had appeal, no pun intended. Bottom line, the end result was that I was back to square one. At this point I figured I'd make a game of it and tell him what I really wanted. Serves him right. They ask. We tell. You almost feel bad for them.

To lay out the parameters, I am preparing a birthday card and a gift for myself. The card will contain a few pages of truth about my current life and photos to verify that I am in fact a mess who's very far from where I'd ideally like to be at this point. The gift will contain detail description of my desired destination, a prayer if you will or maybe a san serif pair of ruby slippers that will show me I did have it all along. I'll either open them on my milestone birthday or I'll cringe as I throw them both away someday and think of what I never was been able to bring myself to do. That sounds so fatalistic I might have just depressed my own damn self. I will tell you, I haven't even fleshed out point B and there's already a lot of ground to cover from point A. I just don't want any passenegers to jump off the train. (*hides the rope)